Something ends..

So these past few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I seriously don't know what to think about anything anymore. My mind is in so many different places and thinking about everything that's happened,I couldnt tell you what way is up. But I know that God has been teaching me, He's working on me, nudging me forward because I'm meant to go through this right now for some reason and it's a lesson to be learned. Part of moving forward is always letting go of what has held us back and its is never less then a battle. But it's not that your giving up and is doesnt mean that your weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go, no matter how much it hurts and your heart is breaking. Sometimes lifes not fair, but if you hang in there your going to see that sometimes bad is good. We just have to believe things work out like they should.

When something ends,most people think of one thing first; how it began. Whether its love, friendship ,life, etc. Generally that's what I do also. Most recently I lost someone. Not in reality but in any other way that makes them apart of my life. I think about them even more then I did now because I know they've changed so much that I barley recognize them at all. It's hard to remember good times when you're in bad ones. I have known this person for most of my life and consider them family since they were my family.

We live completely separate lives that intertwine together. We arent into the the same kind of music, people, clothing etc. We are as opposite in every way possible that we can be. But that never ever stopped us from being as close as we were and fell in love with each other. I try to remember how you were the only person I ever trusted with everything in my heart. But it's hard almost impossible cause all I see now is the "real you", that you proclaim yourself to be. If this is the "real you" then everything I ever known you to be was a lie and we were never anything close to what we were. But I know deep down it's not you. Because I know you. I've felt your heart and have had your heart.

It's really unfortuante that you cant be that person I know you are. But whats more unfortuante is the fact that you're laying to yourself and others about who you are? Who was there for you besides your family? No one but me? Whos going to be there for you when you need them? Not them? I want you to remember that and know its not like I didnt warn you.

Things take time and it's a process of learning to move forward and deal with what has happened and to be at peace with the decision someone else has made for you. You just have to know even those who are in a place of questioning as far as God is concerned. And its not becuase I'm so super-spirtiual or because I have a more direct line to God than anyone else. Its is because He tells us we can trust in Him with our lives and I simply choose to believe Him. And know He is working on me right now, and this is a lesson I need to learn and go through. Just like everything that has been happening these last 18+ months. Things " happen" for a reason, so I've learned a lot recently. And I'm beginning to realize more everyone is put in your life for a reason and leaves for one too. And no matter how hard thhing get, you were only given this life because you are strong enough to live it. I'm strong enough to live it just one day at a time!!